Yes, I am that person. I am the lady who goes shopping and spots the trapped birds in the supermarket. It bothers me. What happens to those birds? I am always asking, but the conflicting stories lead me to believe they just leave them be until they die of starvation. So, I have devised a plan.
I identify the fridges that have no stock stacked on top. Then I go and get a bag of wild bird seed from the pet food section. I do my shopping, but I keep an eye out for the staff while my bag of bird seed is riding shotgun in my trolley, already opened and ready for quick deployment. Up and down I go in the aisles, and every now and then, I make a quick detour to the frozen section to see if the aisle there is unoccupied.
Not too long, and my chance is staring me right in the face. Glide down the aisle, trolley in one hand and birdseed in the other, then a quick salvo of a bag flying over the top of the trolley and landing exactly where I want it on top of the fridges. With that maneuver completed, I quickly shimmy to the next aisle. To compensate for my pilfering, I put another bag of birdseed in my trolley just before checkout. This bag sits on top of my groceries, so once it is paid, I just slip it on the counter next to me, and it stays behind. This, I presume, will then just be put back with the stock on the shelves, so I haven’t stolen anything. I have just given the feathered staff their lunch for the next few days.
As I stand in the queue to check out, I see the little birds feasting on the grains I have provided. Their excited chirping and continuous pecking give me great joy.
As per usual, I pay for the bag and leave it behind, nonchalantly walking out of the center. I am halfway to my car when I realize I forgot to withdraw money from the ATM teller in the center. So, trolley quick turn and back I go. As I draw nearer to the shop, I see two security guards and a packer waiting for me at the door. They all have expectant looks on their faces, and I immediately thought, BUSTED! The choices were – Run while you still can or stay and act like they are crazy. I had to choose the latter as running is not my thing, especially when I have a full trolley of groceries and I am in my finery. It would just not go down well. So, with ample bravado, I continue to march towards them and without even glancing in their direction, I push my trolley through the waiting crowd of three.
“Ma’am!” I hear. Not faltering I continue.
“Ma’am! Ma’am!!”
Ok, I slow down a little… “Jesus help me, take the trolley, make me small. I am going to jail…” my thoughts are rushing between who I will call and how I am going to explain this to Dad and the kids.
“Ma’am! You forgot your birdseed!”
My bladder wants to make a peepee and my legs are not my own as I quickly scan my eyes over them and reply: “It’s not mine…” With that, I continue to the ATM teller, leaving three astonished faces behind. I am glad the window of the teller is hidden so I can hide my face behind it. I have to take a few seconds to find myself. The pressure has made me forget my name and my PIN number. The relief is immeasurable.
I hope this bag lasts for a while, I simply cannot continue this walk of shame on a weekly basis.
Three weeks later, and I am now very proficient in the art of birdseed tossing. Yes, I have also devised a plan. I simply buy the birdseed during my first shopping experience, then I exit the shop. Once I am out of the shop, I turn back like I have forgotten something and make my way back to the refrigeration aisle where I wait for my chance to throw the opened bag of birdseed on the waiting fridges.
I am also getting very antsy with the lack of bird assistance that the birds are getting from the supermarket, so I phone center management and ask them what their plan is for the birds.
I was rather taken aback when I was informed that the birds come through the receiving bay. They come and go as they please, and in the interim, the shopping center provides them with fresh food and water while they cruise the aisles.
Enough of this interfering madness, Yvette…
It has been 9 months since I started this lark. The birds are flourishing and the sale of wild bird seed has increased exponentially!
It’s what I call a win-win situation.
I do need to burn sage daily. There is no other help for me. That or I am going straight to hell.